Why I quit my job
I picked web development as a career coming out of school because I knew my asian parents would never want me to be an artist. I felt like designing websites was still a creative thing, though, so it felt like a good compromise. I didn’t go to art school and got my degree from UCSD. I had ton of web experience by the time I graduated. I found a job pretty shortly after I started my hunt and was really good at learning so I produced results fast despite being new to the work force. I put in my fair share my overtime and internalized most of my frustration. I put up with everything because full time jobs are stable and stable is what every asian parent wants their kid to be.
At the same time, I was pursuing my art business on the side and invested all my free time in it. It made me really happy and I started taking online art classes. I had never taken art classes before and I found a lot of enjoyment in them and began to develop a lot of confidence in my skills. The business was growing and it needed more and more of my time but I was stretched incredibly thin.
I felt like I was doing everything right, but I started to develop severe anxiety. The anxiety started getting worse and worse as I tried harder and harder to balance work with my personal life. I tried to ignore it. I was scared to disappoint my parents and to worry everyone. I was even more scared of not having stable income but it was becoming so clear that I should have done what I wanted to from the very beginning.
Two days ago, resigned from my job. I was out at Disneyland with some of my favorite people for my sister’s birthday that day but the anxiety was overwhelming. I couldn’t fully enjoy my time and everyone was worried about me. My sister, who has experienced the same anxiety from overworking, and I had a brief moment to talk so I told her how I was feeling and started crying. A cast member came over to wish my sister a happy birthday (she had the birthday pin on) and said that at Disneyland, people 10 years old because that’s when they’re the most imaginative and that it was important to never stop being imaginative. After which, he just walked away. He came back a couple minutes later to talk to us again and said some other really ominous things. He never addressed my problem directly but as he walked away the second time, I got this weird feeling that the universe was giving me permission to do my thing. I got home and sent in my resignation letter that night. I cried my eyes out from the shock, but, after waking up the first morning, I realized that I could take things at my own pace. I felt a great deal of relief and free to do my own thing.
I’ve told a lot of people that I quit my job and they have all been really supportive. To my surprise, everyone said that they’re really proud of me, and that they know I’ll be fine because I’m really talented. For the first time in my life, I realize how strong of a support system that I have and that people are actually in really encouraging of what I want to do. I started reaching out for help and some people met up with me immediately to talk and check in on me.
It has only been two days but I feel healthier. I’ve starting cooking again, eating healthier, and taking walks. I’ve been getting enough sleep and even have enough time to clean up my apartment a little bit. I still get anxiety about my decision but the anxiety is a productive anxiety, rather than a uncontrollable panic attack. I still spend a full work day getting everything I need together, but now I can take breaks when I’m feeling overwhelmed.
I feel really vulnerable and even though I know there will be a lot of ups and downs up ahead, I feel this is the best decision I’ve made for myself in a long time. Its only been two days but a lot of positive things has come out of this already.